Another day closer

This two week wait is starting to really irritate me now! 

No two weeks have ever taken this long to pass !!! 

I'm trying to remain stress free but at the same time keep busy! 

Work has been okay today and went by quite quickly! 

We popped to Cheshire Oaks after work and had a mooch around the shops. I bought a bargain dress for £6 that was too big when I got home! It's good that it's big as I've lost more weight, but gutting as it's a lovely dress and I wanted to wear it for Ric's graduation next week! Oh well! 

Also bought some Christmas presents ... and two more pregnancy tests ready for Thursday! I won't be able to trust one - so now we have four !!! 

Then we went to Bella Italia for a meal and a catch up with each other! Came home at 8pm with a headache and feeling totally drained!!! Time for cuddles on the sofa and contemplate getting through the day tomorrow! 

On the countdown

I woke up this morning - and thought 72 hours !!!

I can't believe we are getting closer. This two week wait has felt like a lifetime !!!

I am getting more and more scared - and the thoughts of what Thursday will bring are going round and round. I have a sick feeling inside me - but I'm not sure whether it is just the nerves kicking in.

By the end of the day, I had a raging headache !!!

My Manager called me in to a side room - there was me thinking what have I done. We got in the room and she said - I just wanted to see how you are :) Bless her. She has been so lovely. She hasn't approached me once at my desk or when anyone else could here etc. She hasn't pestered me or put pressure on and has constantly just checked up on me to see how I am. It's really helped so much.

Another night on the sofa watching TV. I really am getting used to this.  Although, I've just been online and ordered a Bella Italia voucher for tomorrow evening. A trip to Cheshire Oaks is called for .... hopefully a start to the Christmas shopping and take our minds off Thursday. And what better way to top off the evening than with a meal at Bella Italia :) Can't wait.

Getting closer !!!

Sunday has arrived and we are about to enter another week .... the week that we find out the results of our IVF.

I am currently fed up, impatient, scared, frightened, worried, anxious, excited ..... quite frankly, I'm feeling every emotion !!!

Friday was a work day and I ended up rushing round in the afternoon before coming home to relax in front of a great tele night as TFI Friday was back followed by the weekly dose of Gogglebox.

Saturday we ventured to Dunham Massey Military Hospital in Cheshire and strolled around the gardens, enjoying the fresh air. We also called at Alderley Edge and had a lovely walk around in the park/wooded area. There are several long walks to be done there - so we'll venture there again.
When I woke on Saturday morning - I got on the scales to find I had lost another pound. It's crazy that I tried for so long and struggled and now it's falling off. Although, we had Pizza Hut for tea which won't help the weight loss !!!

Sunday was Farndon 10k - so I went along to support Ric. It was a long walk from the Race HQ to the Start/Finish ... which is always good for the Fitbit steps.
There was nothing else around, so I stayed in position waiting for the finishers. I had company as Anna and Gwyn had come along to watch so we chatted while we waited :)
We headed home by 12pm and grabbed some lunch before venturing to Homebase for some household stuff. Then it was home for an afternoon on the sofa. I am getting used to this amount of laziness. We caught up with CSI Cyber and a few other bits and bobs before X Factor.

I'm feeling fine in myself apart from tiredness and funny twinges in my tummy. They're not cramps - and I've had no spotting etc. But I do feel drained a lot of the time and keep getting twinges now and again. I'm trying not to read too much in to any of the symptoms .... but it's so hard to not try and Google everything !!!

And now we are at 9:40pm on Sunday evening - and the new week is upon us. I said to Ric earlier that I don't know if I want the week to drag on and I can cling to the "I might be pregnant" line of thinking ... or do I want to skip forward to Thursday and know our fate !!!
For the last ten days, I've been hoping and praying that our little embryo(s) hang on .... and now I am so scared of what Thursday will bring. But whatever happens - Ric and I will face it together as we do everything else .... Team Westwood..

We're half way there

Tuesday saw us being five days past transfer day.
Work was busy and I was in from 7am as I had to take Ric to work before 7am to get a lift. Tuesday night we popped to the supermarket, then Kelly popped round, so we didn't get chance to sit down and eat until 8pm. We were shattered.....then I ended up with an upset stomach before bed. I panicked and started googling and reading all sorts of things in to it - which I know is totally wrong. But I just couldn't help it.

Wednesday I took Ric to the station for 6.20am to get the 6.30am train to Cardiff !!! I went for petrol and was sat in the car park outside work at 6.40am reading Me Before You ( again ).  Again the day seemed to go really quickly.
I discovered that someone has been prying about my time off last week and trying to find out if I've been for IVF. It wound me up and I ranted to Charlotte and Helen. I couldn't tell Ric as he was about to do a presentation in Cardiff. But I filled him in when he got back. I know it's not worth stressing over - it just infuriated me. Can people not have any privacy any more !?!?!
We finally got home about 7.30pm and threw a pizza in the oven. We both ended up fast asleep in bed by 10pm - totally unheard of for us .... but it goes to show we were knackered. My Fitbit told me on Thursday morning that I had a record 8 and a half hours sleep !!!

So, now we're on to Thursday. One week since our embryos were put back in. That means there is one week to go .... We're half way there !!!

This time next week - we will have our result. I am scared, nervous, petrified, worried, anxious, excited .... you name it, we've felt it !!!
But today, I had to go to a funeral. Not only did I attend a funeral of my friend's Mum, but her Dad passed away less than an hour before the funeral. So sad. But we got to hear that they were truly in love - and he even said he wanted to marry her before he'd even spoken to her. It makes you treasure what you have.

After a draining afternoon, I headed home via the supermarket and also bought myself a Christmas tee shirt - won't be too long til I'm wearing :)

By 5:30pm, I was home, showered and curled up on the sofa in my PJ's. The tiredness is kicking in again tonight. Thankfully we have a Sky planner full of programmes that need watching :) xx

Day 4 - Back to work

The time has come to head back to work.
I had a stressful but lazy week last week, and I would go stir crazy if I stayed off, so I headed off to the office.
Everyone was asking me how I was - which I felt awful about. But I did have an upset tummy and I also felt run down, so I was only twisting the truth slightly.

It took me two hours to plough through my emails and catch up with myself. I had a meeting with my Manager and she was lovely and so supportive. I actually thanked her for making the whole week so straight forward.

We only worked until 4:15pm ish then headed home. It's bloody freezing in the house, and I am under order from the Acupunturist to keep warm, so the fire is roaring .... and my PJ's will be on shortly. No Corrie tonight, so I'm gonna finish my book Girl Online while Ric makes burgers and chips for tea, then we'll no doubt watch a movie :)

It's a stressful wait, but also nice to curl up and spend quality time with each other :) xx

Day 3

I didn't get a chance to post anything on Saturday. I actually managed to escape the house and enjoy some fresh air.
We relaxed and had a lazy morning then drove to Chester. We parked on the Roodee and strolled along the Walls in to Chester. We walked passed the Chester Catherdral and decided to pop in and have a look around. We found a private chapel upstairs within the Cathedral and we both took a seat and sat in silence for a few minutes. I said a prayer and then we moved on to look around the rest of the Cathedral.
We had a slow mooch around the shops and picked up some bits and bobs. We went to the Olde Custom House for a bite to eat, which was lovely. Then we shopped a little more and walked back to the car along the River and the Groves.

Unfortunately, we couldn't come straight home as we needed to do a supermarket shop. But we got to go to Tesco and enjoy lots of treats :)
We came home and I got in my new PJ's from Primark and we curled up in front of the TV.

I haven't really had any symptoms of cramping etc yet, but I have felt an intermittent pain on my right side. I felt tired from being out and about but not too sleepy tired. Went to bed about 11pm and read some more of my book.

I treated myself to Jojo Moyes book About You from Tesco. So I want to use my relaxing time to finish Girl Online then try and read Me Before You before moving on to About You which is the follow up book.


Today, I had another lie in - which was much needed after being awake at 5am after getting up for a wee. I had an upset tummy and some twinges in my tummy - but I'm not sure if they're linked to upset tummy or any implantation pain.

This two week wait is going to seem like a lifetime.

Ric has gone to Capenhurst to take part in the Borders League event. I was tempted to go and get some fresh air, but I decided to stay home and rest instead of standing out in the cold !!!

Day 1 of the Two Week Wait

So, today is the first day of the two week wait. Luckily, as I've been off the first part of the week, and the transfer took place on Thursday, I text my manager and said that I'd take today off too and have the weekend too before heading back to work on Monday. 

Ric got a list in to work and headed off about 7:45am. I was shattered and stayed sleeping until 9am. 

Woke up, came downstairs and made a brew and watched a DVD Boxset of Falcon Beach. Paused it in the middle while I was looking at IVF stuff online .... and before I know it, it's 11:45am and I need to go shower and get dressed as I'm having acupuncture later on. 

I'm pretty much vacant at the moment - nothing new there then !!!
Just at a loss really. Don't feel motivated to do much. Hopefully, I'll get out in the fresh air at some point on Saturday and feel a bit more myself.

I do have to share this picture. I'm terrible at remembering things like medication. I came down this morning and was welcomed with this in the kitchen !!! Certainly made me chuckle :) x 

Transfer day - they're in

So, I've not really had a chance to update this blog since the egg collection.
Tuesday, I felt tender around my tummy and was still a bit slow moving around the house. I also felt pretty tired and good for nothing really.
Luckily, Ric took the day off with me and was here when we got the call from Shrewsbury first thing in the morning.
They advised that out of the 13 eggs, 6 were no longer viable. 4 of them had been fertilised by more than one sperm which meant they wouldn't progress any further. Still, we were pleased that we had a 50% rate to work with.
The rest of the day was spent on the sofa, watching This Morning and some movies.

Wednesday arrived and Ric had to go back to work. I lay in bed just waiting for the call to come from Shrewsbury. We were down to 6 eggs remaining. Half of them were grade 2 ( which was good ) and the remaining 3 were grade 3 ( which was not as good ). I was advised that they had scheduled me for egg collection on Thursday at 1:00pm - but this was all subject to change depending on how the eggs progressed overnight.
So the rest of the day was spent on the sofa watching more crap TV. Dad & Viv called to see me to see how I was and I continued to just chill on the sofa. I don't feel ill as such - just pretty lethargic. Even had a half hour snooze on the sofa about 4pm ( which is pretty much unheard of for me ). 

Then - Thursday arrived !!!!
We woke at about 8ish and snoozed then headed down about 8:30am. Around 9:10am we got a call from Stacey at Shrewsbury. She advised that the eggs were still at Grade 2 and not good enough for a single embryo transfer. So, she said that the transfer would go ahead, today, as planned. However, she advised me that the two good eggs we have will both be put back in today and there is the risk of twins. I chuckled and advised that they run in the family - so we'll just have to let nature take it's course.
She also asked if they could move our appointment forward to 11:15am. Queue a mad rush to shower, straighten my hair and get ready to go. I also needed to drink 500ml of water no more than an hour before the procedure. So off I go in the car with my fluffy hair, sipping my water. We arrived in plenty of time ....and with a full bladder.

We were seen by Stacey who advised that we only had two grade two eggs. The other grade 3 eggs were not really suitable for freezing although they would give them until the end of today. It was very disappointing to know that we had no eggs for back up, future use etc but I had to remain positive and hope for the best with the two embryos that we do have.
We were advised that Dr Massoud was called in to theatre, so the procedure was running late !!! Joy of joys .... I sat there, impatiently waiting with my full bladder.


About 12pm, Claire the Fertility Sister who I've seen the last few times and assisted with egg collection, called me through to the treatment. She sat Ric in his chair first then got me to strip off ( no shyness left anymore ) and then I got on the bed, and in to position. We laughed and joked with the nurses and Claire checked my uterus. She then advised that  she was ready and would go and get Mr Sizer. Next thing, Dr Massoud walks in and we all had a chuckle. He had become available and decided to do the transfer after all. Apparently, Massoud and Sizer have the room set out differently, but he laughed and said he was willing to carry on even though it wasn't set you to his liking. 

The speculum was next - and man did that hurt. But once it was in, there was no going back. The catheter was inserted and Ric, in prime viewing position of the screen, was told to keep his eyes on the screen. The embryos were then put in place and it was all over. I began crying, Claire cried and Dr Massoud wished us Good Luck and left the room. The nurses dealt with everything else and I got dressed and we had a quick chat with Claire about the dos and donts. I gave her a hug and thanked her and she asked Ric for a hug too. They've all been so lovely there. I am hoping and praying that this works and that I don't have to go back there. But if I do, I know I'm in safe hands as they're all so lovely. 

We were given a picture before we left of the uterus which shows the before ( on the bottom ) and the after on the top. Just off to the right of the centre there is a white splodge - that is our embryos safely tucked away. I just need to sit and wait out the next two weeks now. 

Following the transfer and some hugs and tears on the corridor, we headed to Meole Brace McDonalds. I read something on the internet that you should have fries after transfer. Something to do with the high amount of salt. Well, it's not going to do me any harm, and who needs any more of an excuse to go to McDonalds. So large Big Mac meal it was.

Then we headed home for yet another afternoon on the sofa. Helen and Kira called about 4pm and stayed for an hour or so which was lovely. Then back to more chilling out on the sofa. I'm gonna stay off work tomorrow to rest up. I've managed to arrange an acupuncture session later on in the afternoon which should help with the relaxation etc. 

As my IVF treatment has now come to a halt while we wait, below is a picture of my keepsakes that I have taken to each of the check ups with me. The Lucky Penny is what Charlene brought me from Las Vegas when she discovered that I was undergoing treatment and the Rose Quartz heart is something I bought a while ago but was told that it can help fertility. It was a comfort to have them with me on the journey. 

Egg collection

So, we woke at 5am this morning and snoozed a bit.
I got up and had my shower, did the pregnancy test ( the irony of having a positive pregnancy test while undergoing IVF ) !!! and I got myself ready to go.

We left the house at 6am after a few tears of nerves and we arrived at Shrewsbury hospital just before 7am. We actually arrived before the nurses did !!!

We were put in to a side room and the Embryologist Helene came in to talk to us about what would happen. She explained that the egg and sperm would be looked at to decide if IVF or ICSI was feasible. She told us that we will be contacted each day to advise on the progress of the eggs. She then took Richard away to show him to the room to provide his sample.

I was then left with Claire who went over some paperwork with me. Richard arrived just in time to witness the needle being put in my hand to put the drugs in. Mr Massoud came in to say hello to us and check that everything was okay and that we didn't have any questions. It was then time to get in to the lovely hospital gown and have a wee before heading in to the treatment room.

 I said goodbye to Richard and heading off.

I walked in to the room to find a nurse waiting for me. She and Claire sat me down on the bed and like Ros said in the induction, the embryologist appeared through the hatch to say hello. It made me chuckle when this happened and also made me slightly less nervous.
Next thing, Mr Massoud came in and popped some drugs in to my hand.....and I can honestly say I don't remember much else. I was awake through the procedure and the nurses kept asking if I was okay. I felt a little bit of tension and pulling but that was it. I was then told that it was all over and wheeled back in to the recovery room where Richard came through to join me. I gradually started to feel more myself again and had some water before Ros brought me a cup of tea with some biscuits.

One of the nurses advised us that they had collected thirteen eggs. Not my favourite number - but I was glad all the same. I was told that I could then get dressed and we just had to wait to see the Scientists. Helene the embryologist came through shortly after to advise that they got more eggs than they had anticipated which was a relief. Ric's sperm was viable so we don't need to worry about ICSI as they're going to create the embryos and proceed with IVF.

We were then free to leave. We left the hospital just before 10am and apart from feeling like I'd done a huge amount of sit ups....I felt okay. We travelled home and by 11am I was in my PJ's on the sofa, under orders to rest up :) We just need to continue taking each day as it comes and await the results from the emryologists tomorrow.

Finally, as we set off this morning and I was very emotional, I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook page: 

  On a very last note, today's date is    05-10-15 #justsaying 

A good day

Today's been a good day. 

I woke at 8am and Ric put in my pessary for me. How have I got to 36 years of age and never had to do this!?! 

I lay in bed while it settled and just read my book! 

Decided to head to the gym to see the girls who'd be having a brew after Balance. I felt bad lying to them all about my "bad knee" but I'm sure they'd understand! 

It was a bizzare feeling being in my gym leggings and Nike top! Two weeks without attending classes just feels strange! 

Anyway, after a quick catch up, I came home for a brew and Lucy arrived at 2pm  to go for a walk. We went down the quarry - and got lost, but found our way out eventually. 

We headed back to mine and continued to chat more. It was great to have her visit as it completely took my mind off tomorrow - and she gave me a lovely hug and wished me luck for tomorrow! 

We ate tea and watched XFactor and made sure we read all the instructions for tomorrow! I feel less nervous now ... and slightly excited. 

Just realised at 11pm that I can't eat or drink anything until after the procedure!!! Oh heck! I'll be ravenous once it's over with. At least it's the first one of the morning.

We've both set our alarms as I need to get up and shower before we leave (and remember NO PRODUCTS after the shower!!! 

Ric has also just sent me this picture: 

Final injections

Friday morning - we visited Shrewsbury for (hopefully) our final scan.
We arrived as normal, went for bloods which took ages as they were being really slow. We then got scanned by a scanner this time who told us nothing while she was doing the scan. Last time, we had Claire who talked us through the scan which put us more at ease!
We then had to wait again for what seemed like a lifetime. Then Claire called us in......and advised that the scan was fine, drugs have done their job .... and we're all set to go for egg collection on Monday morning !!!
She went through what we need to do with the drugs to take etc, and what we need to do in preparation for the collection on Monday. Lots to take in !!!
As we left the unit, I filled up with emotion. Each day has felt like a hurdle that we are so lucky to get over. Now, we've jumped another hurdle and we're on to the big hurdle of collection.
I won't lie - I'm scared stiff. The sedation, the procedure, the prep ( pessaries ) !!! But it's all part of the process.

So, I went back to work after the scan. I felt bad staying off another day as I was feeling better than the day before. My Manager did mention how tired I looked though - and at that point, the tiredness hit me. I cleared up a few things - as I knew I wouldn't be in on Monday .... but my colleagues are not aware of this as I have kept my treatment between myself and my manager.

I popped to the Supermarket to stock up on goodies for the weekend - and post collection, and headed home for a relaxing night with Ric .... and the final menopur injections. It feels like the end of an era. Less than two weeks ago, I lay in the bath, crying my eye out as I was scared to inject for the first time....and here I am thinking how much I am going to miss it.
Ric got to work with his mixing role ..... I have not mixed a single injection. He has taken over the role and made sure each needle was ready with no air bubbles etc.

So, that's that. 

We then moved on to the morning injection .... and at 7am on a Saturday morning, we didn't bother with pictures. It was mixed by Ric and I injected in to my tummy....and we went back to bed. Not that I could sleep much. I tossed and turned and lay in bed reading my Kindle. 

Considering I've taken time off from exercise and classes, I still don't seem to have had lots of time on my hands. But I did enjoy being able to just lie back and read this morning. 

We then got up and had some breakfast then got ready to head to Erddig National Trust. We've become members for this year and we're making the most of our membership. So we decided to pop to the Apple Festival to see what was on - and purely to enjoy a stroll around the estate and the gardens. It was lovely just to spend quality time together.

I also should add that last night Friday 2nd October, we had tickets to see Lifehouse  in Manchester. There was no way we could have gone to the gig as I had to do my injections, so I offered them to my friend Michelle ( who happened to be with me the night that I met Richard ).
'Our song' is Everything by Lifehouse .... and it seems more appropriate than ever right now. This journey has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster - and I just could not and would not have been able to do it without Ric by my side <3 xx

Saturday night is now upon us, and we've had to turn down a night out with the running gang - but our friends have been great and understanding why we can't join them. 

So, instead it was pizza and lemonade watching TV after taking the final injection. This one was Pregnyl. I was advised that it must be taken at 20:00 as it has to be timed to fit in with the egg collection which will take place at 8:00am on Monday morning. 

The drug has been in the fridge for weeks - so I expected it to hurt when it went in, but it was no different to the other injections. Was an emotional moment once I finished. After each injection, we've hugged each other and gave each other a kiss. Tonight, we did the same but it did get a bit emotional. 

Time to move on to the joys of pessaries and see what Monday holds now !!! 

Sick day

So, I woke up about 3am with stomach cramps and an upset tummy. Then I was wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep for ages.
I managed to nod off and woke at 6.45am for my morning injection - feeling totally crap.

I made the decision to stay off work. Five years without a day off sick. But I figured my body has been through a lot these last couple of weeks .... and it's telling me to take it easy. So, after my injection I headed straight back upstairs to bed - and I stayed there until 10:30am. Just what I needed.

I've spent the rest of the day on the sofa watching movies and googling IVF. I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it.

We went for a further scan yesterday and my follicles were measured. They're progressing nicely but need to be 18mm for collection. Hopefully, by Friday they'll be ready for us to arrange collection next week. If not, we'll have to go back for another scan on Monday and arrange for Weds. It's all getting really real now and I am starting to panic about the retrieval and the transfer. I don't know which I find more scary. The retrieval will be under sedation but will be painful afterwards from what I'm told. And the collection is not under sedation, but I need a full bladder .... and going for a smear is always a trauma so I'm dreading the preparation for the transfer. But it's all part of the journey we're on. And I'm not alone. Ric will be with me like he has been for all my appointments so far.

Then we just have the dreaded two week wait.

But for now, I'm taking each day as it comes.

Today's picture is a quote that I've just heard on The Fault In Our Stars: